Letters Home: 1

So, here I am on Terra. Me, a little energy orb. I have been exploring the galaxy for eons. Every now and then (love this language the Terrans call English. It is so inefficient and paradoxical), and an orb needs a break. The really cool thing is that I can become what ever creature I want. Terrans are so limited in their body choices. I will get back to that.

I was doing my data collection and I found this computer. Well, I think it is a computer. Anyway, it is called Voyager. I decided to take a look. I found a map and a container of stuff. I analyzed the map and then I remembered there was a young species in the vicinity. My word Voyager is so primitive. Turns out the Europans have been watching Terra for over a millennia. I did go through the container and I found this thing with numbers on it. I think it’s called Nasa. Anyway, I decided to head straight to Terra. How primitive could it be if they got their computer all the way out past the planet they call Pluto.

The youthful ignorance of the Terrans is amazing. According to the Europans, every time they get something good, they destroy it. As the Terrans say, what the fuck!! They have no idea how many others are laughing at them.

The incident with their vehicles on Mars was unexpected. Who knew they were making those kinds of strides. I discovered the best place to learn about Terra is a “library”. No one uses paper anymore, but they are just babies.

So picking a form. There are, from what I can tell, two reproductive variants. A bit remedial, but I am no one to point out faults. I have been countless species. I have had wings, been a giant, I have even been nothing but light. Here, I am limited. I decided to become what the Terrans would call a “female” on the outside. Oh, did you know they have reproductive organs on the outside. It has been hundreds of years since I have seen that. I decided to add a “penis” as well as the “female” breasts and vagina. I really, don’t see what the issue is, but as I catch up on their current events, that is a problem. Such small minds.

You won’t believe this. I don’t believe this. I ran into a Xac. I have always been found of Xac. I suppose, I would define him as a “male” by Terran standards. He is not any specific reproductive gender on Europa. He floats in between, suiting the best needs of his partner. On the outside he looks like a very pretty Terran “male”.  Oh, and he has 3 heads. Well, what the Terrans call three heads. He has 2 peni and then his face. Funny thing is, I don’t really care about that. I do enjoy his company. Xac is here causing nothing but trouble.

I have got to run! Xac and I are joining in the Terra tradition of “date night”. My goodness the lengths they will go through for a mate.

 

I blame Jeff Baker for this.

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