I have been thinking a lot lately about them. What they mean, and why we feel that everything about ourselves must be defined. A while ago I wrote about who I am. I still haven’t found the “who” of my existence, but the “what” is clearly defined.
Labels are a fascinating thing. We define gender, that is a given. We then move on to define every little quirk and behavior we have. I often find myself wanting to talk with others about the labels that are placed. The ones we give ourselves and the ones others give us. I find that in this thinking, I come back to sexual labels. This has been running around in my mind for weeks. (No, I am not questioning my orientation as defined by societal standards or my own standards.)
I have learned in my sexual life that no one is 100% anything. I have known this for a long time about myself. There are a few women that I have had serious crushes on (not all famous either). I can freely admit that. I am comfortable saying it. It doesn’t make me anything more than what I am.
Here comes the labels. Here comes the rush to define what I am. I refused to label my feelings for this. I can’t. Inexplicably in the course of becoming comfortable with who I am as a person, it was bound to happen that I could recognize these feelings. Shun them? No. Hide them? No. Label them? Fuck no! It may be easier for a woman to voice those feelings, but do these feelings need a label? I don’t feel that they do.
For men, I think it is a different mindset altogether. Could they crush on a man (not famous) and be at home in that feeling? No definition? I don’t know? This is something I am going to have to ask around to find out. I know a few men that are comfortable enough to actively acknowledge the feeling. They don’t label it. They roll with it. On the other hand, I know a few men that would go kicking and screaming before they acknowledged that feeling. They would work mentally trying to define what it is that they have become. They discuss it with me, and for that I am grateful, but to tell the world at large, no. They look for a label to neatly put those feelings into.
Here is where I come to something I detest. There is a trope called “gay for you”. I despise this trope with every fiber of my reading being. It forces a label onto to something that really doesn’t have one. Sometimes there is a person, and the attraction goes beyond gender. It is something that is felt on a cellular level so to speak. The soul speaks to this person.
We keep defining things. Love, attraction, sex. To me, these are things that are uniquely undefinable. What are all of these labels for? I have plenty of things about myself that fit into neat little boxes.Maybe I am being self indulgent. I have served at the feet of Dominants of both genders (even a few that were in between). I have subs of both genders (a few in between as well) serve me. Though my personal preference is men, there have been a few women that I have entertained. And what does this make me? You figure it out. I sure as hell won’t waste time doing so.