Hate and Fear

I am an early riser. I rolled over about 0500CST to check my facebook page. I wanted to know what was going on in the world. I start scrolling through. A lovely picture of my sister, a funny cat video, and one of the most horrific mass shooting I have seen. I was almost sorry I wanted to know what was going on in the world.

I don’t know any of the victims or the survivors. My heart aches for them none the less. I don’t cry often, and I rarely cry about the news. I teared up. I wondered how can someone harbor this much malice and hatred. Then I thought about it. It is easy. We see it everyday. Whether we acknowledge it or not, it is there. I have witnessed at work, I have seen it in the military, I have seen it just out and about shopping.

The festering of this level of hate and fear is just breathtaking. Spending so much time thinking about it.

When I was little, I told my mom I hated someone. She said then I must have loved them at some point. “Hate, like love takes a lot of energy. They are opposites of the same coin.” That changed my view on the word “hate”. I must have been a pre-teen around the time of this conversation. The news today brought that back.

I don’t know anything about the shooter. I listened to the interview his parents gave. I was mystified at the callousness of their response. “He must have seen two men kissing.” Really!!?!?!?! That is the best you got? That inspired this. Seeing something he didn’t like, understand, feared, and didn’t agree with. I see things I don’t like daily. Not once did or have I ever felt the need to harm someone.

Two men kissing. That is all it took? At some point he saw this and decided he hated it. Why? That is a question we will never have the answer to. Then I think, do I want to hear his answer? I don’t think I do. You can’t explain that level of malice towards life. There will be people singing his praises, he is doing “God’s work”. He will hailed a hero in circles as he is infamous in others. He will be reviled by most and damned by many.

As for me, love is love. Seek your happiness and love. Whether you show it with romantic words or cuffs and leather.  I want you to love. I have hope that you will. I have seen plenty of hate in the world. Even in the most unexpected places. There is nothing I can say here that won’t be said thousands of times in the coming days, weeks, and months. I support love. Love of men, love of women, love of those who are fluid and ever changing. Whomever  you choose.

Hate is powerful.

Love is powerful.



I was talking with my nephew. He is a fountain of humor, light, and love. He asked for an ice cream and I asked him why he deserved one. He said, “For being an unspecified person, known or unknown”. I raised an eyebrow and got him and ice cream. From time to time that line comes to mind. Later on I asked him what he meant. He said that in the universe the are specified people we know. There are unspecified people we know. I think at nine he is a little young for a universally based existential crisis. But hey, what do I know?

From time to time, I get wrapped up in what does it all mean!? (It’d be nice to have an interobang charecter.) I think of a quote from Haruki Murakami’s 1Q84. “I move therefore I am.” Is it all that simple? It can’t be can it? I move everyday, even if not physically, I move mentally. Whether I have control or it is just a biological response, I move. “I am”, two simple words that start the definition of who and what we are.

Who am I? I know what I am. I am human. I am a woman. I am a citizen of the United States. I am a citizen of the world. I am a writer. I am an artist.

Who am I? I know the whats of my existence. The whos of my existence get harder and harder to define.

To you I am Ophelia and to others I am someone else. That is the outside of who I am. Some will use adjectives to describe me others may turn nouns into verbs to describe what I am doing. With those adjectives, they are still only describing what I am.

Another quote that comes to mind. Alfred, Lord TennysonLady of Shalott,

Who is this? and what is here?

And in the lighted palace near

Died the sound of royal cheer;

And they cross’d themselves for fear,

          All the knights at Camelot:

But Lancelot mused a little space;

He said, ‘She has a lovely face;

God in His mercy lend her grace,

          The Lady of Shalott.’